Comment from JaneParhamKatz on 2020-02-26 @ 20:24
Ottmar, what have you discovered about love?

I have learned that love is a process. Falling in love is not the destination, a wedding isn’t mission accomplished, 25 years of marriage can’t be the goal.

Love is something we can become better at. It’s like a muscle in that it can be trained and strengthened. Caring, empathy, communication, can all be improved. As in music, the tone one produces together matters.

Lovers regulate each other’s hormone distribution. The influence runs deep, down to a molecular level. Minds become attuned to each other. Sensitivity runs higher, we can tell what the other is feeling before they even say anything, and when they speak we understand the subtext better than with anyone else. The lover’s limbic pathways are changed and the parts of our neocortex that translate emotions improve.

Love is the best school. The best and quickest way to learn a language is to fall in love with a person who doesn’t speak yours. The same is true about all other aspects of culture. After language, it’s food and music and religion that are the glue in any group. Fall in love and you will quickly learn to care about different ways to view the world. This doesn’t mean that you will adopt these ways, but it will give you an appreciation for them. If traveling is a great way to expand your mind and see the big picture, so is falling love with someone who is not from the culture you grew up in.

Most of the time we don’t have much choice in the matter, because the heart wants what the heart wants, but be aware that who you fall in love with will have the biggest influence on your own life. They will change you. If you think that they are changing you into a worse version of yourself it is time to take stock and reflect about the relationship. If, on the other hand, you feel that you are a better person with your partner then you know you have something special.