Gift

02005-08-01 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

Music: Slave to the Rhythm – Grace Jones

I know the feeling very well, that sense that the self is gone, when any comment or preference has vanished and all that remains then, is the act of making music…

I have been intimately familiar with that sensation since I was a boy of around 12, when I started to get lost in my guitar and the music. In the beginning of the nineties the success of NF gave me the opportunity to get addicted to that sensation. I arranged my life to create and prolong those moments. People shopped for me, cooked for me, took care of business for me, because any moment without music felt like a wasted moment…

The birth of my son put an end to that. I could not ignore him and yet he made me miserable. When I changed a diaper, I thought about the music I could be making instead. This led to the biggest despair of my life, which led to misery, which led me to Ken Wilber’s house to experience Big Mind with Genpo Roshi in February of 2004, which led me to asking Roshi to be my teacher last August, which led me to my first sesshin in December and my second sesshin in May, which led my to receiving Jukai.

Now I enjoy every precious moment with my son. I am able to experience the self being gone while not making music… I can be in the moment with my son – without thinking that I would rather be making music. What a gift.

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