Customer Care

02008-07-10 | Funny, Phone | 8 comments

I called my cellphone provider with a problem and they answered with that scripted cheerfulness (I know because the two people I spoke to had the same rehearsed tone and were working off the same script)…Our conversation went something like this:

Did you have a nice 4th of July weekend?
I am not American. (((I thought that might kill the script, but noooo)))
Well, did you enjoy not having to work and spending time with your family?
I am an orphan and unable to reproduce, and I worked on the 4th of July.
s i l e n c e


  1. stephenduros

    HAHAHAHA!! The second response is fantastic!

    I take it there was no script to answer your response since there was silence. However, it’s probably in the works as I type this.

  2. stephenduros


    The possible all new and TOTALLY P.C. script –

    (said in the most “way over the top” and cheerful and upbeat voice possible)

    “And if you don’t have a family or offspring, we certainly hope that you enjoyed your weekend by YOURSELF! if you didn’t, we hope you have a better weekend in the near future. However, if you choose not to enjoy your weekend………..”

  3. Carol

    Not even a “Have a nice day.” ? which is like saying, “Don’t engage me in an actual conversation. Don’t mistake me for a friend. Get on your way!”

  4. alaskaal

    I love messing with these uninvited callers to my home.

    Stephen, “Thira” very, very nice.

    Ottmar, the fact that I am fifty-nine years old matters not, and still brings a smile to my wife when I ask for sympathy based on the fact that I am an “orphan”.

  5. Carol

    I spent 3 or 4 hours on the phone trying to get help for my satellite dish. Impossible . They finally said the closest place was 100 miles away and it would cost $90 just to get somebody here. I stopped and decided I really don’t need TV that much…. and I found out from a friend that there’s a maintenance person just downtown. I wonder if I’d have gotten more help if I told them I was a poor orphan.

  6. Panj

    So true, alaskaal…no matter our age, we are all Orphans when both our parents leave this Life…I guess we are kinda of born to be Orphans.
    At least it is much easier on our Parents that way.
    Now I must admit, that when set upon by telemarketers, and because I kept my Mother’s phone number, I do sometimes say,
    “I am so sorry, this phone number belongs to my Mother and she has passed on”
    Of course I do not mention this was seven years ago!
    Sometimes I even manage to sound very weary…not only does the ‘spiel’ stop, but I am even apologized to, and then they announce that they will remove the number from their list!
    I am pretty sure my Mom smiles down on me at those times!

  7. calittle

    O – you are seriously warped. In a good way :)


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